An online Chinese newspaper recently reported that the Taliban was training monkeys to fight US soldiers in the Afghanistan theater, and supplied "proof" in the two photos at left featuring monkeys at the weapons range.  A quote from a 'Taliban insider' reveals the true purpose behind this Top Secret program:

"If a person who loves animals knows the monkeys may be injured in the war, they might pressure the government to force the withdrawal of western forces in Afghanistan." Uhh, yeah.

 If you Google "taliban monkey soldiers" you'll see that this somewhat creative bunch of hooey shows signs of going viral, much like the "Midgets vs. Lion" hoax which tore through cyberspace five years ago. And also like the midget article, this one ought to raise the hackles of our friends over at PETA - woo-hoo! Can't wait to see the commercials - maybe these monkeys will just do themselves in like the ones suffering from global warming!

[video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7GIl4zKrV8 400x300]

They say cheetahs can hit speeds of up to 75mph for short stints, and it seems the Cincinnati Zoo is on the pointy edge when it comes to cheetah racing. Yesterday one of their cheetahs smashed the World Land Mammal speed record, clocking a 100m course in 6.13 seconds - about 3 1/2 seconds faster than Olympic gold medalist Usain Bolt. "This is an all-time great day in cheetah racing," quips zoo official Thayne Maynard at 1:29 of the video, while cheetah handler Cathryn Hilker calls it a feat of "heart, skill and commitment." You think these races are paramutualed anywhere?

The loons over at PETA are really, really pissed off about this year's Canadian seal hunt. Last month they protested out in Vancouver by dressing up in little baby seal costumes soaked in liberal amounts of fake blood. Today they announced just how serious they are about this annual event by calling for a boycott of Canadian maple syrup. To show them your support, here's a link to The Maple Store, a company that sells all sorts of Canadian maple products. Word is it was a great sugaring season this spring, and hopefully you'll find some use for this delicious treat - PETA be damned.

On a related note, Canada's Governor General Michaelle Jean was photographed yesterday at an Inuit community festival in Nunavut - gutting a freshly-slaughtered baby seal and eating its heart.  Jean was visiting the territory to show support for the annual hunt. "It's like sushi," she said. "And it's very rich in protein." 

The Governor General  wins a "Hero" tag for giving a great big middle finger to political correctness!

Starting today, the Univ. of Wisconsin-Madison will provide therapy dogs for students undergoing the awful stress of finals week. The University Health Services claims a short visit with these "counseling canines" will greatly reduce finals anxiety: "even five minutes an hour, can reduce stress and help you recall information."

The UHS  is also offering $40 massages to help alleviate the incredible mental anguish of taking a test. (Massages that presumably include a happy ending). Perhaps the USAF could use these therapy dogs in UPT to help coddle the new generation of SNAPs (Sensitive New-Age Pilots).

FULL STORY

Two English poofters buy a lion cub from a London pet store and raise it for nine months. Putting their tender emotions aside, they selflessly decide to return the cub to a lion preserve in Kenya where he can re-enter the Circle of Life and lay claim to his natural kingdom.

 A year later the two guys fly to Africa to search for and hopefully visit with their old friend. Fortunately one of them brought a movie camera along,  which captured the 'magical' moment when old friend and loyal pet Christian the Lion is reunited with his surrogate parents. (Remind you of the Gay Penguin Families?) Oh yeah, and it all happened almost 40 years ago.

 Voilà - the making of a youtube video gone seriously viral, with millions and millions of hits! Trouble is, many say it's fake, as evidenced by the 'Christian the Lion is Fake' website. Fake or not, am I the only one wishing that the lion would rip these two guys' faces off, a la Grizzly Man?

Warning, the music in this video is exceptionally nauseating!

Not to be outdone by groups like PETA, this one comes courtesy of Quercus (Latin for "oak"),  a Portuguese tree-hugging oufit. Obvious  disciples of ManBearPig - aka Al Gore and his merry band of fantasy scientists - Quercus released this commercial a few months ago to rave reviews among the world's  liberal elite.

Note the director's vision of a near-apocalyptic world caused by global warming, a world where animals have devolved into so desperate a state of mutantcy they have no other choice than to do themselves in. After seeing the animation a couple of times though, I'd argue their mutant appearance is due more to the poor 3d modeling and texturing skills of the production team than to global warming!

Everyone's favorite domestic terrorist group was busy canvassing this week's Westminster Dog Show in NYC - dressed in the height of KKK fashion. A PETA spokesman claimed that the American Kennel Club is actively trying to create a "master race" by promoting "pure bloodlines" in their recognized breeds, an agenda on par with the beliefs of hate groups such as the KKK.  Hmmm...wonder where were these sheet-draped idiots were during the Michael Vick dog-fighting trial?

[ed. note: Penn and Teller made an excellent info-mentary about PETA which can be viewed here.]

Two lowland gorillas faceoff at the Kent Zoo, UK. The photographer won a prize for this photo, but sadly, he doesn't say who ended up getting pwned in this scrap -  or what they looked like when it was finished! Full Story.

Penn and Teller take on PETA...